I am gearing up to slowly wean myself off my antidepressant medication. I am doing this supervised and well planned (I will write a separate post about this). But as I gear up to take the plunge, a thought struck me.
Who am I without depression and anxiety?
If I can actually defeat this living, breathing monster inside me, who will I be when it is gone?
It may seem like a silly question, but hear me out. I have lived with anxiety and depression for the majority of my life. I can vividly remember my first panic attack, and I can clearly remember the first time I thought my life wasn’t worth living. So all that to say, depression and anxiety have grown with me and hit every milestone I have. Have there been more lucid times? Yes, but depression/anxiety were always in the back of my mind, ready to jump out when that gateway once again ripped itself open.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to be well, and not just well but whole! I guess I am just afraid of who I will find myself to be after the medication is gone, and I have my diet under control. I just can’t help but think, have I even grown and developed without these limitations?
All I know to do is repeat to myself the absolute truths I do know.
I know that I am loved.
I know that I am valued.
I know that I have and will make a difference in others’ lives and the world around me.
I know that I was born for a purpose.
Do you feel this way? Afraid to move forward because of what you will find? It’s so interesting that my word for this year is “transform/transformation”, God’s definitely up to something! I am so thankful that you are along with me on this journey, because I also know I am not alone, and neither are you.
How can I support you in your transformation this year? Do you need extra support in your depression/anxiety journey? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or comment below. And remember, all of those things “I know” above, are completely true for you too.